The Association for Psychological Science had previously released an article in 2018 that answers why the word “sorry” appears to be the hardest word to say. The research was conducted by Karina Schumann, a psychological scientist, from the University of Pittsburgh.
An apology is one of the most successful tools in conflict management to resolve an offense between a transgressor and a victim, according to Schumann. However, she notes three factors that interferes with a person’s willingness to apologize even when he recognizes he is in the wrong.
1. A person doesn’t value the relationship enough to apologize, often making excuses and justifying his behavior while avoiding the person he harmed.
2. A person doesn’t want to damage his self-image and draw attention to his wrongdoing, often seeing himself in a positive light and not wanting to ruin it.
3. A person doesn’t believe that he will be forgiven by the victim, thinking it will not help repair the relationship.
Meanwhile, individuals who apologize reported more positive feelings after actually doing it than imagining it, reducing feelings of shame and guilt.
Talking about this topic on her radio program, Dr. Jessica Peck, aka Dr. Nurse Mama, says our culture frowns on apology.
"Culture says that apology is weakness," Peck says. "If you admit you're wrong, you'll lose power. You'll lose the upper hand. Never give someone something against you."
Culture also presents apology as conditional. For example, a person might say, “I'll apologize if you apologize first.”
That, says Peck, is not healthy.
"Scripture tells us that apology is strength through humility," says Peck. "Colossians 3:12 says ‘clothe yourselves with compassion and humility.’ Wear these attributes like a garment. In God's kingdom, admitting wrong is not weakness. It is spiritual maturity."
Even if a child was disrespectful, even if a spouse was inconsiderate, even if someone else was in the wrong, if a person owns any percentage of that, Peck says that one can still prioritize right relationship over being right.
"And apology helps us to embrace our identity that is rooted in Christ, not in performance, because the Gospel frees us to admit our wrong because our identity is not based on being perfect, which is so freeing," Peck says.
